You know why they’re on a beach in Mexico or in the Philippines, Lauren? It’s all they can afford until they get enough suckers to buy their courses.

These digital nomads never seem to pop up on Martha’s Vineyard, Bermuda, Catalina, or Key West, do they? Where are the posts from the French Riviera? They have beaucoup beaches there.

Ha! You can keep your mosquito nets, your cheap beer, and the locals who are secretly plotting to nail you in a barrel and toss you off a picturesque fishing boat because you’re so damned annoying.

My best life involves fine wine, delicious meals made from ingredients straight out of my garden, and having living, breathing friends over in-person for dinner. I like visiting with my family, too. I’m even looking forward to Thanksgiving.

I don’t want to have to be medivac-ed somewhere if I break my leg. I want to see Broadway shows, ballets, and hear symphony orchestras. I want white-gloved persons serving me tea while I’m serenaded by a string quartet. Or, in the words of Goldie Hawn in the film Private Benjamin, “I wanna wear sandals! I wanna go out to lunch!” Enjoy those street tacos, dude. I’m sure they’re delicious.