Nothing happened this Christmas, thank goodness!

Nobody woke up hungover today because getting drunk is the only way to endure Christmas with Uncle X, Grandma Y, or Cousin Z. A visiting cat didn’t knock one of our favorite ornaments off of the tree, smashing it to smithereens. We avoided pretending to like our coworkers’ loathsome Secret Santa gifts. No one humiliated us by snoring open-mouthed through midnight Mass. Our families are spared jaw-dropping credit card bills due to overspending to impress out-of-town guests. Food servers, actors, and musicians spent Christmas at home for once. Countless arguments, car accidents, and heartbreaks were…