I've written about "Karens" and I'm ashamed of it. It's a lazy shorthand that hurts people who are blameless. I have a friend named Karen who is a perfectly lovely person. She's middle-aged and blond, but the last person who would treat anyone badly. You know who else's birth name is Karen? Whoopi Goldberg.

The kind of behavior associated with this stereotype is rooted in low self esteem and very often trauma. People are usually taught to be horrible by people being horrible to them, and the behavior can be adopted by anyone. This doesn't excuse it, but it comes from a more complicated place than social media would have you believe.

The worst "Karen" I've ever run into was Middle-Eastern and wore a hijab. I was working reception at a divorce attorney's office and, as was the policy for everyone, attempted to collect her consultation fee upfront. She was furious and began hurling abuse at me. "Do you think I can't pay? Don't you see my Mercedes outside? Don't you see my Louis Vuitton handbag? How dare you insult me. I demand to speak to the attorney." The attorney didn't cave either. Hijab Karen had met her match. She left without getting what she wanted. But one wonders. Was this woman's behavior rooted in fear? Did her husband control all her money and was she terrified he'd find out she was seeking a divorce?

I'll never know. What I do know is that people who behave this way are unhappy and often in pain. The human experience is too complex to boil down to labeling them bad people. It's never just not getting the last brioche that pushes them over the edge. There's a ton of baggage attached to that behavior that brings them to that point.