I’ve been thinking a lot about privilege lately, Maj-le. Like you, I wanted for nothing growing up but a pony and a pool table. My parents were products of the Depression, so there were things they could have afforded that they wouldn’t have dreamed of buying.

My sisters and I had to help out with my parents' business. My parents didn’t give us allowances, but they paid us when we worked in the shop. Some of us had jobs as teenagers, but none of us had to work our way through college.

My son, an only child, got almost everything he wanted growing up. Then we went through a period where both my husband and I were out of work and the gravy train pulled out of the station.

He’s now 27 and a dedicated high school math teacher. Most of his students are from low-income families. He doesn’t spend money on clothes, eating out, or material things. When he needed a new computer, he saved up for it. He has yet to get a credit card.

I think being “spoiled” isn’t a function of having a lot of material things. It’s the result of not being held accountable for your actions. Personality also comes into play. You see this in families where kids raised the same have completely different approaches to life. It sounds to me like your daughter is doing fine.