I'm sorry for the trauma you've experienced. Your subsequent behavior is understandable but unacceptable. At 18, you didn't have an 11-year-old boyfriend. You had an 11-year-old victim. You didn't have adult boyfriends or lovers as a child. You had adult abusers. Is consensual sex after a rape really consensual? I think it's important for us to hear all voices on all life's experiences, but it troubles me that you frame yours in terms of romance. Not all abused become abusers. Having been hurt is never a license to hurt others. It's my profound hope that you find peace and never hurt or exploit anyone ever again.