I think the most important factor in successful relationships is shared values, Vanessa. People should avoid getting romantically involved with someone who breaches the code of ethics they follow. You won’t be happy with an adulterer unless you’re flexible on adultery.

There are some people who have unrealistic expectations or standards that drain their dating pools significantly, though. One might insist on a clean-shaven man with a full head of hair who plays golf and makes at least a high six figures, but those things are not the keys to a happy marriage.

That bald, bearded tennis player could be the man of someone’s dreams: loyal, kind, funny, considerate, great company, and great in bed. He may share their politics and belief system, too, but their superficial checklist won’t let them get close enough to find out. I recommend flexibility on the superficial things and firmness on the things that really matter to you.