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How to Make Absolutely, Positively Sure No One Ever Asks You to Watch Their Kids
It’s a dirty job, so here’s how to avoid it
Do you like to babysit? Unless you’re a 12-year-old who doesn’t have a monetized YouTube channel, I’m guessing you don’t. Here are a few tips to make sure you never have to.
Disclaimer: Most of these suggestions involve telling an outrageous lie. (Sorry, folks; freedom isn’t free.)
Live on a boat without safety equipment
Oh, sure. If you do live on a boat, you probably have some Dollar Store water wings stashed away with the flare gun and gummy bear edibles. The trick is to make sure nobody knows it.
A well-placed aside along the lines of, “I really should get some railings. This deck is hecka slippery!” or “Good thing I’m a strong swimmer. Maybe I should have an inner tube or something, but, hey, It’s only me!” will be duly noted.
You need not live on a boat to use this technique, but, if you do, you can’t invite people over.
If they push to “just stop by,” say something like, “I don’t entertain because of the rats.”
