Here are mine:

1. Waiters who bring two spoons with dessert when they weren’t asked to. If a waiter says, “Would you like dessert?” and only one person says “yes” why should they assume that person wants to share? Let cheapskate order his own damn dessert and don’t put the person who ordered in an awkward position.

2. Studies show that, if house cats were the size of lions and tigers, they would eat their owners. I’m not sure how they study that, but it makes sense to me. I’d do the same to anyone who kept me inside all the time and made me squat in kitty litter.

3. How did you not know about butter? Were you raised by vegan hermits? There are some things better without butter: a glass of fine wine, Coca Cola, and sunburn.