Aw, my son’s name is Logan. Old people ask if he was named after Logan’s Run and young people ask if he was named after Wolverine. Actually, we got the name off my sister’s finely honed list of boys names. She surrendered it to me because her husband got a vasectomy after the birth their third daughter.

I’m sorry to have to break it to you, but you are not the only person with a Portuguese problem. In Julia Roberts’ breakthrough role in Mystic Pizza, she plays a Portuguese-American waitress whose upscale boyfriend’s family disapprove of her ethnicity. (I guess it’s a thing in Connecticut.)